Information about Intimate Partner Violence
- Jules Wang
- Mar 9, 2022
- 3 min read
What is intimate partner violence? Intimate partner violence is behavior in an intimate relationship that causes physical, psychological, sexual, or financial harm and abuse. This includes acts of physical aggression, sexual coercion, financial manipulation, and controlling behaviors. This can happen in any intimate relationship, including current or former roommates, spouses, or dates, and family. This can happen in opposite sex, same sex, or gender nonbinary relationships.
Intimate partner violence, specifically physical violence, affects up to 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men in their lifetime. The rates are even more increased for transgender or nonbinary people, in some immigrant communities, and in the differently-abled community. Here are some things that you can do for yourself, a co-worker, relative, or friend experiencing intimate partner violence.
The biggest thing to remember is that your role is offer nonjudgmental support and be there for them. On average, it will take someone 17 attempts to leave their abuser. When we cannot know what it is like for this person in their relationship, or how many times they have attempted, it is not our place to judge, or force them to leave when we do not know their situation.
(1) Try to be their confidante. Listen to everything they tell you and believe them.
(2) Assure them that you will keep whatever they tell you completely confidential. You want to be worthy of keeping their trust so they will be more likely to call you if they find themselves in a dangerous situation.
(3) Ask them what the situation is like for them. The abuse may be physical, emotional, sexual, psychological, financial, or more. This can look like: physical assault, strict rules and control, punishment for rule breaking, humiliation, severe criticism, sabotaging birth control, preventing them from seeing friends, family, or support system, accusing them of lying or being unfaithful, or forcing them to do things that they do not want to, or stalking.
(4) Try not to say things that may sound judgmental, such as “you need to leave” or “they are a terrible person!” This can make someone feel defensive for themselves or their abuser, or something that they already know.
(5) Instead, let them know that:
a. You are afraid for their safety
b. You are afraid for the safety of their children
c. They are not alone
d. This is not their fault; no one deserves to be abused
e. Even if their abuser apologizes, it does not mean they will stop the abuse
f. Alcohol/drugs do not cause abuse, though may inflame the situation
(6) Let them know that their abuser will most likely try to isolate them from anyone who is supportive of them leaving their abuser (including their children, or even you)
(7) Instead, help them come up with a safety plan.
(8) If it is safe for you to do so (and no one in your household will tell the abuser), let them store emergency items in your home in case they (and their children) need to leave quickly. These should include:
a. Identification (drivers license, registration, birth certificates, social security cards, passports and visas) of them and children
b. Prescription medication and medical records (vaccinations and medical history)
c. Financial data (credit cards, bank account information, check books, insurance papers, welfare identification, lease/house deeds, mortgage payment books)
d. Extra set of keys to the house, cars, or office
e. Emergency and important phone numbers
(9) Let them know that they should take steps to slowly increase independence: open a bank account, keep copies of important documents, extra set of keys, and medications with a friend or family member, have a place in mind to go if they have to leave suddenly.
(10) Let them know that the safest place for them and children is a room in the residence that has a lock, has no weapons, has access to an outside door/window, and has a phone.
(11) They, you, or somebody should teach the children how to call the police for help
(12) Encourage them to document everything that happened, including an accurate account of how they were injured. Suggest that they get medical treatment. Have them send you the pictures to keep in a safe place.
(13) If they are planning to leave their abuser, tell them not to tell their abuser or anyone who might tell the abuser in advance. Do not disclose their location to anyone!
Local Domestic Violence Information:
Crisis Center of Tampa Bay
1 Crisis Center Plaza, Tampa, FL 33613
crisis line phone number: 211 – 24/7
Resources:
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